Friday’s Headlines: It’s the ‘Shithole’ Super Bowl

Today is a five-alarm fire at Streetsblog after we heard a rumor yesterday that U.S. Department of Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy — who famously called the subway system a “shithole” — will be riding that particularly fecal form of transportation at some point today.

We don’t know where. We don’t know when. But we know it’ll pop up on Fox News about two minutes after he leaves the station. So to find him while he’s still in the tube, we’re deploying our full staff: Dave “Fiber Rich” Colon, Gersh “The Runs” Kuntzman, David “Hit the Fan” Meyer, Kevin “The Celtic Crapper” Duggan, Emily “Spare a Square” Lipstein and Ilan “That Wasn’t Me, It Was the Dog” Cardenas-Silverstein. (Sophia “Excremental Excellence” Lebowitz has the day off.)

If you spot Duffy on your commute, make sure to film it — and ask him on camera if he really thinks the subway is really a “shithole,” especially given yesterday’s wall-to-wall news that crime continues to drop. Even the Post reported on that (and the Times did, too)!

Until then, enjoy my latest video in which I taunt Duffy to ride the subway with me:

In other news:

• Ocean Parkway killer Miriam Yarimi was held without bail in a bizarre arraignment from her hospital bed. The woman who cops say drove at twice the speed limit before she struck a family with her car, killing three, claimed mental illness. But whatever her mental state, a driver with a record as bad as hers should not have been on the road — and that’s the fault of our criminal justice and political systems. (NYDN, NY Post, Gothamist)
• The Post had more on Yarimi’s troubled life, which seems to be the paper’s twisted way of saying that there’s no need to redesign streets or deploy more automated enforcement of reckless driving because mentally ill people are always going to slip through the cracks.
• In an equally bizarre story, two cops chased the driver of a stolen SUV — who crashed and died in the burning car in Inwood. Meanwhile, the cops fled, finished their shift, signed out and didn’t even report the incident. Fortunately, they’ve been suspended. In addition to terrible policing, the chase appears to violate the NYPD’s new policy on high-speed pursuits. (NYDN, NY Post). Meanwhile, the Times completely botched the story.
• Why can’t we have car-free Earth Day every day? Well, for now, at least the city expanded its annual event. (amNY)
• Sixth Borough Blues: More Amtrak problems between New York and Philly. (Gothamist)
• Hell Gate got in on the upcoming Fort Greene Park arborcide.
• Now that the “E” in the DREAM team is running as an independent, the “Don’t Rank Andrew or Eric for Mayor” campaign is now “Don’t Rank Andrew for Mayor, Anyone,” or DRAMA. (Hell Gate)
• A small number of small business owners Park Slope are bucking their own customers in hoping to shut down the popular open street. (Brownstoner)