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Car-Free Streets

Our Latest Satire Evokes The Who: Mayor de Blasio is a ‘Car-Loving Monster’

People have been outraged by the demise of Mayor de Blasio's 11-day experiment with closing four streets to cars, but no one can express the exasperation better than Streetsblog's in-house parody band, the Speeders.

Their latest hit single, "Car-Loving Monster" (based on The Who's "Pinball Wizard"), explores how easy it would be for the mayor to create so much more pedestrian space during the coronavirus crisis. But maybe, just maybe, he simply doesn't want to.

It's a must-hear.

The latest song follows our satirical look at Staten Island pro-speeding vigilantes (“Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Cam’ra Pole“), the mayor’s failure to create enough open space (“Corona: C-Apostrophe-Rona!“), our anxiety filled song about drivers who are speeding like crazy right now (“Feelin’ Zoom-y!“) and our recent critics of the mayor's failed open-streets pilot program ("All We Get Are Cops," modeled on the Beatles' "All Together Now").

We basically have an EP of corona-themed song parodies at this point. (Call us, Rhino Records!)

Ever since I was a young boy
Car drivers ran this town
They dominate the roadways
We took it lying down
But I ain’t seen nothing like this
As COVID-19 falls
The tall man who’s our mayor
Could fix this urban sprawl!

We talk to BID directors
Each one moans and moans
"From Soho up to Times Square
Should be a car-free zone."
But Bill lacks inspiration
Or simply has no balls
That man who is our mayor
Won't fix this urban sprawl

He’s a car-loving monster
With no creative thoughts
A car-loving monster
Who won’t connect the dots

Why is he so awful (I don’t know!)
What makes him so lame?

The virus makes it easy
To make more open space
But cars get all the roadway
The city’s a disgrace
People should get more room

Or do we have to crawl?
Why won’t this guy, our mayor
Undo this car-filled mall?

He thought he was
The top progressive king
But New York’s roadways
Absolutely stink!

So if you want to help us
Kick cars out of town
Start with Broadway proper
Make it a testing ground
We asked a guy from Denmark
He was just appalled
By a man we call our mayor
Who won’t fix this car-filled mall!

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