MTA Announces Public Ownership Of Streetsblog Reporter Dave Colon’s Dating Anxiety

Local idiot Dave Colon. Photo: Julianne Cuba
Local idiot Dave Colon. Photo: Julianne Cuba

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — The Metropolitan Transportation Authority announced that it was adding public ownership of transportation reporter Dave Colon’s many dating anxieties to its portfolio of subsidiary and affiliate agencies.

The announcement was made in response to one of Colon’s tweets, in which he posted a picture of an ad for the MTA’s OMNY payment system, with its slogan, “It’s like a MetroCard you can also text with,” but mocked it, “Oh terrific a MetroCard I can stare at anxiously wondering if my crush will text me back, it’s what I always wanted.”

The agency issued the following statement four hours later, unveiling the new, Colon-inspired ad campaign.

“You ask, we deliver,” said a MTA customer service representative, highlighting the new ad copy, “It’s like a MetroCard you can stare at anxiously, wondering if you’re crush will text you back.”

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It was language to describe the very product that Colon said he was afraid of. But the reporter admitted that he would never stop oversharing on social media.

“I will never log off,” Colon said when reached for comment. “My DMs remain open.”

It’s not the first time Dave Colon’s romantic life has encouraged an entire transportation network to rethink its marketing approach. Colon famously described how Citi Bike had improved his dating life, prompting the bike share company to market Colon’s success as a model for others.

The Streetsblog scribe remains, as of this publication, implausibly single.

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