Fox Business Tries and Fails to Capture the Dorothy Rabinowitz Magic

Might the talking heads at Fox Business turn their gaze to the Plaza Hotel's lawsuit against a nearby Citi Bike station and sneer at the frivolous litigation tying up our courts? Not a chance.

Watch Dorothy Rabinowitz wannabes Melissa Francis and Fred Tecce spend four and a half minutes whipping themselves into faux-libertarian outrage over the installation of bike-share stations on public streets. The gall!

So, yes, Streetsblog is taking the bait and embedding their clip, but when it comes to pageviews, I don't think this one will come close to matching Rabinowitz, creator of the original and best crazy Citi Bike screed. A few reasons:

• The catchphrases stink. Dorothy Rabinowitz gave us "the bike lobby is an all-powerful enterprise," the alliterative "blazing blue Citibank bikes," and "do not ask me to enter the mind of the totalitarians." When she said the word "begrimed," you were transfixed. After watching Francis and Tecce, I came away with some vague images of snails, frogs, and pigs, but nothing really stuck in my head.
• It's too canned. The Rabinowitz video was a genuine cri de coeur. She was saying all these insane things, and she really meant them. The Francis and Tecce bit is full of mugging and hamming it up for the camera. It's got theatrical sighs and forced laughter, but no soul.
• Reality intrudes. Rabinowitz maintained a consistent internal hallucination from start to finish. In her world, she just had to speak for the silent, bike-share-hating majority. In this Fox Business segment, when Francis acknowledges that she must be in the minority, reality manages to puncture the fantasy.