Helpless to explain or address a recent rise in traffic deaths, city leaders today unveiled a new campaign that touts the prevailing factor in keeping New Yorkers safe from reckless and negligent drivers.
Effective immediately, “LUCK!” print ads will adorn city buses, school buses, yellow cabs, livery cabs, garbage trucks, dump trucks, crane trucks, tractor-trailer trucks and ambulettes.
“The message is simple — ‘stop getting run over’ — and we’ll keep spending time and money on these things until people get it,” said a spokesperson from the mayor’s office.
A multi-agency effort, today’s kick-off was accompanied by statements from electeds and department heads.
From the transportation commissioner: “The so-called ‘geniuses’ at Apple haven’t devised an app to stop motorists from running people over. Until they do, and they offer it for free, or for 99 cents without the ads, pedestrians and cyclists need all the help they can get. Ryan Gosling and I can’t be everywhere at once.”
From the mayor: “Next to Big Gulps and scary movies, motor vehicle traffic is the number one health threat to the people of this city. Duh. Does anyone have a serious question?”
From the district attorney: “We investigate all traffic crashes, except most of them, and issue charges whenever warranted, which is practically never. Also, no comment.”
From the other district attorneys: “[ ].” “[ ].” “[ ].” “[ ].”
From the police commissioner: “Is this about my neckties? No? Then I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The ads will also be printed on bumper stickers, to be distributed at crash scenes to drivers of involved vehicles.
“This puts the message where it really needs to be: inches from the pavement,” the mayor’s spokesperson said, adding: “After all, police need something to hand out following a serious crash.”